fly mama

Friday, February 24, 2006

Raising Boys


I feel a HUGE responsibility. Raising a boy is hard, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders at times. His ability to love, nurture, understand and empathize are all things that his future partner will blame me for. Future conversations (with this now fictitious character) invade my thoughts. I can hear them saying, "Well....that’s because your mom was....blah blah blah" or, "If your mother weren’t so.......you wouldn’t have turned out this way". Now, I know there are many years before this fictitious person will come into our lives, yet still I worry about it.
It has been said to me several times that by the time kids turn 5 or 6-the ground work is set. This frightens me! Have I done all that I can do? Right now he is a great kid, not always as empathetic as I’d like-but I think he’s an exceptional boy. I still have another year to cram as much as I can in......so what should I add? I don’t want to overdue it.......because that could come back to bite me in the butt. Where is the balance?
Peyton and I have a great relationship, sure there are times that I piss the little bugger off, and likewise. He gets embarrassed when I kiss him at school, if I hold his hand in public or stroke his hair lovingly in front of others. Will he grow up to not want any public affection shed on him? Or is he your typical 5 year old? Am I reading too much into this behavior? HELP!
I analyze, and over analyze. It has been said that a man’s relationship with his mother shows the type of man he will be to his future partner. I want Peyton to be compassionates, loving, yet not a sissy boy (sorry if that offends anyone). I think a perfect balance of mom and dad would be ideal. A greasy biker boy (a little Marlon Brando in The Wild One's) that is loving and creative (a little Ethan Hawke in Great Expectations). He can be all macho, but if he sees a hurt bird by the side of the road, instead of running the damn thing over and laughing about it later-he’ll stop and pick the thing up. Am I asking too much?
At 5 years old he already considers himself a ladies man. He has a girlfriend (which by the way became OFFICIAL this week when he told her she was his girlfriend and she declared "I WILL"-I told him he should ask her, he opted out of that one because she might say no). So, he has a girlfriend, but there are others that he calls his girlfriend as well, sure-not with the glimmer in his eye that he refers to his beloved. When I ask him why he has more then one, he replies, "Well, you have to make sure she’s the right one!" He already has a purple plastic ring from the gum-ball machine set aside to propose to her (to which I am sure she will declare "I WILL" when she is told they are going to get married!) He writes her notes and buys her gifts and talks about her constantly. So, aside from him telling instead of asking her to be his girlfriend, he seems to be doing pretty well. He is attentive to her when they are together and thinks about her all the time. If this is any indication, I would say we are doing pretty good and maybe I just need to settle down a bit.
I hope that his future partner and I get along-that there is harmony between us and that we genuinely like eachother, otherwise they are sure going to hate living next door to me!

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