fly mama

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Marco......He sleeps with the fishes!

Every day has some type of drama. There can’t just be a day where there is peace.....calm. Last night there was pandemonium.....Peyton’s beloved teddy bear, affectionately named Teddy was missing! Now, we have had this dilemma before and the case has been easily solved. Some way Teddy has found his way deep under the sheets or gotten lodged between the foot-board and the mattress. Not the case this time. Teddy was nowhere to be found. An APB (all points bulletin) was ordered, and with Lucy asleep and Peyton laying awake in bed whining, "I just can’t go to sleep without Teddy".......detective Jeremy and I set off on our manhunt (errrr......bear hunt). Under the bed......the black hole called my computer desk......sheets torn off the bed.......no stone, no pillow, no hamster left un-turned in this house. We hunted high and low........I even looked in the fridge in case Lucy decided he needed to cool off. There was no trace of his sweet Beanie Baby ass! I made a pit stop in Peyton’s room to wander aimlessly when Peyton whimpered....."What if we’ve been burglarized?"....of course while recounting this story to a dear friend on the phone this morning I had to inform her that I had to fight the urge to say..."Peyton, don’t you mean BEAR-glarized?" For the life of me and my exhausted husband.....the bear was gone! Peyton finally fell asleep as the search was winding down. This morning he awoke and declared that Teddy was in bed with him.....convinced that Jeremy found him and placed him lovingly in bed with an asleep Peyton, I went in to make the bed. Hmmmm......NO TEDDY! I scratched my head and called to Peyton who came running like a bat out of hell......"What mom?"......."Might you have dreamed that Teddy was back because he’s not in bed?" Sure enough the look on his face implied this just might have been the case. Fear set in........the search began with Peyton shouting, "Okay mom......let’s split up!" And then he persisted in following me around from room to room. I finally told him that I am a better detective when I work solo......so off I went. I had had it.......he wasn’t here.....his pudgy little bean stuffed body wandered off. I thought of one more place......of course thinking to myself-"Watch.....it’ll be here......such an obvious place".....and sure as shit there he sat. Obviously when Peyton went to brush his teeth yesterday morning he set him on a stack of towels, wherein our dear friend Teddy fell to the floor and sat all alone between the towels and the bath tub. Now......I am left with today’s drama.......can I convince Peyton that his sweet little goldfish somehow got the lid off of his tank and jumped two feet into the kitchen sink? I thought of telling him that his fish had died and then have him partake in some type of fish funeral where he could deliver the eulogy-but then I opted out.......scooped him up-bid him adieu (well, I actually said, "Marco, you have been a good fish may you live long and prosper in fish heaven").......then FLUSH! And then of course checked (and double checked) to make sure he stayed down......wouldn’t that be traumatic, if the little dude went in to pee and Marco was staring back......that could require years of therapy! I don’t know if I can keep these shenanigans up for the next......hmmmm, 18 years!

Friday, June 09, 2006

All Hail the Boo Boo's


I remember weaning Peyton from the bottle. I truly thought it was going to be the most trying and difficult thing I had ever done. On the contrary, the little angel obeyed mommies wishes without any hesitation. The morning of his dentist appointment-a sweet 2 year old Peyton helped mom bag up his bottles and nipples to hand over to his dentist. Okay, so I lied and told him that ALL two year olds had to turn in their bottles to the dentist-it was against the law for him to still have them at that age. It worked like a charm....I was so proud of my little boy and my creative mind for coming up with this that I still glow about it. However, I am not being nearly as creative with coming up with a solution to get 19 month old Lucy off of my now very tired and lifeless breasts! The other day while standing in the kitchen.....Lucy was doing her little dance....."Boo Boo" she demanded while running in circles laughing. I was trying to think fast.....I grabbed at my chest, pretended I pulled my breasts off, crumpled the invisible boo boo’s up and threw them in the trash! She looked at me shocked as though she knows they are not detachable, however she did walk over to the trash can, crack it so her cabbage patch kid arm could fit in and waved bye bye to them. IT DIDN’T WORK! How do you convince them that enough is enough. I am desperate to wean.......everyone says, "Put your foot down, stick with it, she’ll get over it"..........my threshold for high pitch screams and antics are at a minimum these days. It’s not like these little bad boys supply her with nutrients at this point.....they supply her with comfort.....that’s about it. I do want her to feel comfortable.....just not hanging off of my now deflated chest. They were once perky......on the small side, but perky.....now they resemble a deflated balloon that’s been blown up and had the air let out 1,000 times.........at least I think they do, thank god I don’t have a full length mirror to examine them closer. I swear she comes near them and I hear them shriek! At this point she thinks she owns them......she lifts my shirt and if I place my hand in their vicinity to try and save them......she screams..."NO!" When did I sign the rights over on my body? OH...that’s right, when I had kids........I forgot I signed that paperwork in an Epidural and Pitocin induced high at the hospital!
Seriously, maybe we should hold an intervention at this point.....okay, she’s only 19 months-she can’t reason at all.....but there has to be some way to put a stop to all this madness! If she would promise to stop, I would do anything......ANYTHING to get her off. Walk on hot coals, no problem! Sleep on a bed of nails......piece of cake! I would dress as Dora and dance around the house daily....there is no telling what I will do. Well, pretty much anything but listen to the screaming antics of a breast starved 19 month old! Here is my plea for help......I need support, backing.....people to remind me that this is possible and it’s not forever.......she will eventually forget they are even there......at this point I just give in, cave......"HERE, TAKE THEM"-I shout at her...."JUST STOP CRYING!". I wish she could just take them......walk away and take them in the other room.....bring ‘em back when she’s done.....check ‘em back in like a library book. I know there will come a day when she’s grown and I will look back on all of this and remember it fondly, giggle at the promise that I made to myself to only breast feed until she was 6 months, twinge with pain when I remember clogged ducts. I will never look at my boo boo’s the same! These bad boys have not only fed and supplied this little one with the juice of life....but had the life sucked out of them and just keep on giving! ALL HAIL THE BOO BOO’S!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Memory Lane

In an attempt to exercise more....today I am going to take a jog down memory lane. It is amazing to me how certain smells can take us back to a time and place.......we feel things we felt at the time. How wonderful (and yet scarey) the mind can be. Finesse shampoo and conditioner will forever remind me of junior high. All my friends and I used it on our feathered Farrah Fawcett locks. If you passed by us sitting on the wall outside of school you would receive a Finesse buzz......I can’t even crack a bottle of this memory maker without thinking of this time and place. On trips to the grocery store I will crack a bottle and take a whiff just to take myself back to this time in my life. The scent of nail polish and polish remover take me back to going to the hair salon with my mother. I would sit at one of the nail tables and paint my nails......or for grins the girls at the salon would do my hair and then try and calm me down when I finally saw myself in the mirror and began crying. Mom always walked in there looking beautiful, but she glowed when she walked out. Maybe some of it was the pungent smell that she breathed in for the 3 hours she was there mixed with the glass of wine they had served her......I don’t know, but whatever it was-she was radiant. Tuna fish will forever remind me of my grandmother. After school I would go to her house where she would make the most divine batch of tuna....the perfect amount of tuna, mayo, seasoning, celery and love. You could taste the love in her tuna fish sandwiches! There we would sit on her couch, eating tuna fish sandwiches and grapes and watching her soaps. As I child I loved the feeling of being near her-as an adult I love the fact that I can still remember this feeling. With this feeling also comes the feeling of maturity.....reaching the age where she would allow me to walk down the hall of her apartment building and enter THE ROOM! The garbage room that is......it didn’t smell like garbage, but it had a distinct odor of it’s own. I would push the heavy door open, the light switch never worked...it kind of flickered in all its florescent lighting glory.....I would pull the garbage chute door down, drop the bag inside and run for my life as if I were being chased by an pack of angry dogs......my heart still palpitates thinking about it. Sometimes it not just smells, but actual things that remind us. Izod sweaters will forever remind me of grandpa-bless his sweet, sweet heart-he had more Izod sweaters then Mr. Roger’s. I remember my mom, aunts and grandmother always commenting on which colors looked best on him. I think he ate sloppily so that they would get stained-this way he always knew what his girls (grandma included) would get him for the holidays and his birthday. I have one of his sweaters and think of him every time I open my closet and see it hanging there......stained, just as it should be. I can’t see a Corvette without thinking of my stepfather.......a new one-an old one, it doesn’t matter-my mind goes right to Jack. Jack believed that the car you drove reflected the person you were......and Jack was undoubtedly a Corvette! I can’t see a Zebra pattern without thinking of my brother Jeff’s teenage bedroom. Maybe it wasn’t actually as bad as it seems in my head, but I remember it looking as though a herd of Zebra were skinned and used to decorate this room. I wasn’t allowed in there, but remember peeking in the cracked door and witnessing it in all its Zebra-ness. I should state that this was the mid 1970's-so Zebra was quite acceptable for a teenage boy. I need to ask my sister-in-law if she gets taken back to his old bedroom when she sees Zebra print. Maybe it was the Zebra print that seduced her?
Well....I think I have gotten enough exercise for today. Time to go and create some memories with my own little critters!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The on-going going-ons


Okay...okay.......I admit it! I am guilty! Lock my ass up and throw away the key. I know you are all guilty of this as well (maybe not Blog related), but definitely in other forms. It’s kind of like when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while and you say, "Oh, I’ll call you next week and we can get together for lunch"........a week turns into two weeks and two weeks turn into a month and a month turns into months. So....you get the picture.....kind of? You mean to make the phone call, but OOOOOPS! Suddenly it feels like too much time has passed and it feels awkward.....that is how I feel about this post. And so, I apologize......It was been WAY too long.
There has been tons going on......we survived Puke-fest 2006 (thankfully it only lasted a few days, but rendered us all immobile and landed Lucy in the hospital). Peyton graduated from Pre-K (WHOA WHOA!). Lucy is putting words together to make 2 word phrases. Her affection for Spongebob has grown to an almost scarey point. Anything Spongebob that she sees at the store gets lovingly toted around with her shrieking, "Monga...Monga"-complete strangers look to me for an explanation. We have a new addition to our humble home-a 9 week old dwarf hamster Peyton lovingly named Sparky and then changed to Peanut. We gave in after him asking 1 million times if he could have a hamster. I decided to press my luck, seeing as I don’t have enough critters to keep alive-2 kiddos, 2 cats, a goldfish (won at the carnival 14 weeks ago), a small tank of sea monkeys (which I fear are breeding....can they do that?), and now Sparky/Peanut. He seems like a nice enough little critter.....doesn’t mind being handled, doesn’t mind Lucy’s big face shrieking every time she sees him (I can only imagine what she must look like to him)-so far so good......he seems more adjusted then the rest of us. Having Lucy is like living with a small puppy-she needs constant watching.....she is trying to potty train (which is GREAT)-however she insists on having her diaper off and streaks throughout the house....all fine and good, but when she can’t make it to the potty-I have to wipe up her little puddles. Toilet paper must be completely out of her sight, she will climb Mt. Everest to rip off a small piece to stick in the potty or her mouth-it just depends on her mood at the time. Peyton is reading and putting words together...he’s writing the way words sound which is so damn cute......well, with the exception of last night! Pissed at me because I finally made him the cheese and spinach quesadilla he kept asking me for (we are trying to eat healthier)-once the plate was on the table and he saw the green peeking out from the inside he got upset! Grabbed a piece of paper and wrote: BIG AS HOL.....
Yes....I think he was calling me a BIG ASSHOLE because I made him eat it! Okay...I admit taunting him a bit....sometimes I just can’t help it. When they take a bite and make the notorious poop face it’s like they are an open target. I couldn’t help put pipe up and say....."What’s with the face......are you eating some poop you found in the yard?" I think it made matters worse and that was what the cryptic letter he wrote was regarding. There are other tauntings that go on around here...that I claim to have started. When Peyton acts up I speak in a shrill English accent and declare, "I am Mother Summer, I control all the fun and not so fun things you do this Summer!" When he pipes up and says she doesn’t really exist, I declare...."Is that a chance you are willing to take?" He asks me to be Zombie Mommy with such zest and enthusiasm that I can’t resist! Arms straight out...legs stiff, glassy eyed look on my face I stomp around the house....he screams and runs from me-afraid that I am no longer myself he shouts, "Stop it mom....MOM!".....I eventually give in, but well after he has asked me to return to my REAL form (which isn’t that far off from Zombie Mommy!) He likes to be scared, but also likes to control the situation and declare when enough is enough.......I usually carry it on a bit longer, I JUST CAN’T HELP IT! And so...here we are! Pretty much up to date, minus some small details.
Time to go feed the hamster, the kids, the cats, the fish and the sea monkeys......no one will be left behind on my watch! (Okay.....I admit to wanting to starve his sea monkeys! Don’t go calling PETA on me-they are JUST sea monkeys......mom had a better idea......just flush them! Thanks mom.....so that’s what happened to all of our fish?)